Don't let those watery doe eyes fool you. This Alpaca has blood lust.




Tenatively, I reach out in friendship to stroke the angel fart soft Alpaca.



It lures me in. "Why hello fleshy, I mean, friendly human. Yes, come closer. Stroke me. That's it..."





It goes in for the kill, slowly but viciously attacking my forearm. It caught me by surprise, but I am pretty certain this is what my "Facing Death" face will look like.




I manage to pry myself from it's Jaws of Tickly Death. But it had tasted my sweet A positive blood. And it wanted more.






So I succumb. My photographer, Jonathan, managed to pry me away saving most of my left arm. Good thing I am a quarter Lizard and able to regenerate at will. He asked, "Why did you just let it consume 2/3 of your left arm?"

I replied, "Because it was so soft."


That Alpaca has a taste of my blood now. Like the crocodile to Captain Hook, it will hunt me for the rest of my days until it gets the rest of me. I say bring it. Not because I am looking for a fight. But, if I have to die, I want to be eaten alive by an Alpaca. It truly would be the softest way to die.


FIN